Kanda in Allenland
by Sakura Addict
Summary: As Kanda dozes off in the shade of a tree, a small red chipmunk with an eyepatch and hammer runs past, waking him up. What will Kanda do? Based on Alice in Wonderland. AU


Disclaimer: Don't own D. Gray Man… or Alice in Wonderland for that matter.

This is not meant to be serious! Just meant to be funny!

EDIT: Thanks to all my real-life friends who read this and gave me ideas!

Kanda in Allenland

As Kanda was dozing off in the shade of a tree, a small red chipmunk with an eye patch and a hammer named Lavi was hurrying and muttering to himself.

"Oh, oh dear, oh dear. The Crown will surely get mad at me!" Lavi said, obviously worried.

Kanda opened his eyes and glared at the chipmunk. How dare that little pest disturb his nap! The chipmunk, oblivious to the angry Japanese teen following him, raced towards a huge mountain, while Kanda followed, determined to xxxx the chipmunk with xxxx and xxx the liver with xxxxxxx to xxxxxxx xxxx and xxxxxx xxx hand xxxxxxx brain xxxx xxxx.

When Lavi reached the top of the mountain, he entered a huge mansion-tower and Kanda rushed inside to follow him. As Kanda entered, Lavi entered another door, one that was much smaller, and Kanda doubted he could go through. He scanned the room, looking for anything that could possibly allow him to go through that door.

Kanda then noticed a small bottle filled with a liquid and a tag that said 'drink me.' He stared at it suspiciously for a moment, then drank. Suddenly, he started to shrink, and shrink- wait a second! He's not shrinking, his hair's growing! Now he glared at the bottle and muttered about the stupidity of bottles and chipmunks.

Angrily, he took out his sword and cut the door and his hair into pieces, and entered a new world.

"Oh no! The Crown will definitely kill me now!' The same chipmunk raced into a forest right in front of Kanda's eyes and of course, Kanda ran after him.

While chasing him in the deep, dark forest, Kanda bumped into… two Millennium Earls?! What the hell was wrong with this place?!

"Hello, our name is…"

"Millennium Earl." The two twin-clone-people spoke, and Kanda took out his sword and pointed it at the two of them. With a vein throbbing in his head.

"Have you seen a chipmunk with red hair, an eye patch, and a hammer?" Kanda asked. Do I even have to mention the word angrily?

"Maybe…."

"Maybe not!"

"If you…"

"Play a game with us…."

"We might tell you!"

Kanda knew that these two were idiots, but he really wanted to… do a bunch of stuff to that chipmunk and he had to find him fast. So he agreed.

"What game?" Kanda asked.

"We'll play…"

"Hide-and-seek!"

"…Fine." Kanda hated the game, but he consented.

"We hide…"

"And you count to ten!"

"When you find both of us…"

"We'll tell you…"

"Where the chipmunk is!"

Kanda started counting, and the two Millennium Earls hid. "1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10!"

Instead looking throughout the whole forest, Kanda took out his sword and cut all the trees down, to reveal the two Millennium Earls who were no longer hidden.

"My, my, that was quick!"

"And now, to reveal our trick!"

"The chipmunk…"

"We know not of where it is!"

At hearing this, Kanda became enraged. His eyes became red like a fire, and the Millennium Earls would've mostly likely been killed, if the chipmunk had not reappeared again, and Kanda raced after him.

This time, the chipmunk raced into a field of… robots?! What the…?! Kanda could no longer see the chipmunk, due to the large amounts of Komurins, Komurin ver. 2s, and Komurin Exes in the field.

"Must repair."

"Repair."

"Must repair."

"Have to repair."

"Repair."

"Must repair."

"Damn youuuuuuuuuu chipmunk!!!!" Kanda shouted angrily as he tried to run from the Komurins that were bent on 'helping' him (cough, cough).

xxx

"Achoo! Was somebody talking about me?" Lavi asked himself.

xxx

As Kanda somehow managed to escape, he bumped into a caterpillar with glasses and a hat sitting on a pile of paperwork… It was… KOMUI?!!!

"Hello dear traveler, may I ask why you are here?" Komui asked.

"Oi, Komui, seen a chipmunk with red fur, an eye patch, and a hammer?" Kanda asked, his tone cold and icy.

"Wait give me a second, someone's on the phone." Komui pretended to pick up a phone and talk on it.

"Komui….. Where. Is. The. Chipmunk?!" Kanda said angrily.

"Fine, fine. He's in my stomach." Komui replied.

"What?!"

"My stomach, you see, is a whole new dimension. Go inside!" Komui opened his mouth very, very, very, very wide, and Kanda walked in. Komui had been right for once. There _was_ a new dimension in his stomach.

Kanda had arrived at a crossroad when he entered Komui's stomach.

"Need some help?" A voice asked behind him. When Kanda turned around, he saw a cat with boots and pigtails… Rinali?!

"Seen a chipmunk?" Kanda asked.

"Lavi, you mean?" Rinali shrugged. "He said something about meeting the Crown and disappeared."

"Chh. Stupid chipmunk."

"Look that way. There might be someone who could help you there." Rinali pointed in a certain direction and then left.

"Hm…" Kanda walked in the direction that Rinali pointed in and… discovered a tea party?!

He shook his head and muttered about the stupidity of the person who was writing this story. Kanda saw Road and Tyki sitting together around a large table and seemed to be discussing something.

"Ahem." Kanda cleared his throat, and attempted to get their attention. "Have you seen a chipmunk?"

"Lavi? Well, there was one that was following the path to the Crown's castle." Road said. Tyki merely nodded and then continued to discuss something with Road.

"Would you like some tea before you leave?" Road asked.

Kanda shook his head and followed the path. Just you wait, Lavi…. Just you wait…

xxx

When Kanda reached the end of the path, he arrived at a huge castle. So this is where the pest is…. Kanda drew his sword and barged right in. Inside was… Lavi and the Crown playing poker?! And the Crown was Allen?!

"Ah, Kanda! Would you like to play as well?" Allen asked happily.

"You… it was your fault then…" Kanda was speaking in a low voice.

"Huh?" Allen said, confused.

"_**You**_ asked Lavi to come. _**You**_ made him disrupt my nap… How dare you, you stupid beansprout!!!" Kanda was absolutely furious. (Couldn't you tell?)

"Wait- wait a second! Hey! Ow! Wait, let me explain! Wait! OW! OW!! Ow!"


End file.
